Thoughts on all those adoption questions

Q. Why are you guys adopting again?  Are you sure you want to do this?

A.  I find comments like this annoying and at times offensive.  Here is why, do you know how many days, months and years our family has been praying and researching about this?  Did I ever tell you not to get pregnant with one of your children?  Comments like the one. above feel a lot like that.   Do we get anxious and nervous about the unknown...of course!  Just like a did with my first two pregnancies which if you knew me back then I was probably much more anxious.  Our faith has grown so much!  We can't live life in fear for then we will never be able to fully see His work and blessings in our lives.


Q.  You want to adopt an older child that might have special needs?  Why would you do that?  You already have 3 kids!

A.  I know what you are thinking "crazy lady!"  I understand your intentions might be caring, I get that but here is the thing.... you aren't me.  You don't live in my house with my family.  We all love and care for our families the best we know how.  Some of us have husbands who travel a lot, some have husbands that are in town more.  Some of us have children who need more attention and others that love to be independent.  Some of us have family close by and others do not.  Some of us work outside the home others work in the home.  Some of us find great joy in filling our days with activities and people while others prefer to be home or something in the middle.  It's all ok!   No two families are alike and what each one of us is capable of is up to our Lord.  Only He knows the plans He has for each of us.

In addition, "special needs" doesn't always mean what many might think it means when you are adopting internationally.  It can be as simple as being over the age of 3.  The sad fact is most people still want tiny healthy babies when they adopt, even internationally so many precious kiddos wait many months or years for a family if they are over age 2.  It can also mean they have a minor hearing problem, need glasses or aren't quiet developmentally on target.  Yes, it can also mean very major health or emotional issues but what we are able to deal with is between our family and our social worker. 


Q.  Is your house big enough?

A.  For some reason this one hit me hard when I was asked this.  I suppose that depends on your perspective.  No, each of our children will not have their own bedrooms.  Neither did I as a young child.  Did this harm me, or cause me permeant damage, no.   Someday if we are financially able to I'd love to have a home with one more bedroom but right now it's not a priority.  I have walked into to many of the homes in Ethiopia with loving beautiful families living in homes smaller then the size of our master bathroom. Our society is so caught up in consumption and having more it really saddens me we spend so much time and money on material items rather then those in need.  Don't get me wrong I am guilty of that too!  But after our first trip to Ethiopia our hearts broke.   A dear friend told me while we were driving miles up north in Ethiopia as we watched women and girls carrying large sticks on their backs, no shoes, no water, walking miles up hill to sell at market .......these are our sisters and brothers in Christ how can we not help just like we would our own sister and brother.  Tears streamed down my face and I will never forget that moment.  They are our sisters and brothers.  It is so very true!  Our family doesn't want the square footage of our home to stop allowing God the chance to grow our family and help others.


Q.  You know it's going to be WAY harder then when you adopted Luke.

A.  Yes, going from 3 kids to 4 will have it's challenges.  I have already been briefed by our social worker on this and ways to help ease the transition.  We have attended national conferences, read books, talked to social workers, friends and other families.  It will be hard, most likely very hard but we will be ok.  It's also good to remember we won't know what challenges will face our little girl until she is here and we know that.  We have a "idea" of what to prepare for in regards to transitions and the enormous loss she has faced.  So when the time does come your encouraging words and prayers of support will be very much appreciated.  Just like you would for any parent with a new child.


Q.  Do you have a name picked out?

A.  Nope.  She already has a name, and depending on who gave that to her and her age it maybe her first name or middle name.  I'm really feeling the pull to keep her given Ethiopian name so we will just have to wait and see.    I do have one favorite but I haven't even told Ryan so I won't post it here!


Q.  Will you meet her birth family?

A.  Probably not.  If we are able to though, it will be our daughters story and that information kept for her.  Adoptions in Ethiopia have changed a lot since we brought Luke home.   


Q.  How long is this going to take?

A.  You have know idea how much I wish I knew the answer to this but none of us do.  So we will keep praying and waiting and hoping our little girl is safe and being cared for.  Praying also that her birth family is getting the care they need too.