The final documents we had been waiting on for our dossier arrived Friday afternoon! I sprinted out of the house to grab the mail and quickly started assembling everything we needed on our dossier checklist. I love that Ryan works from home a few days a week. It made taking a quick photo of him to put in our paperwork so much easier. Let me tell you, the fact that he shaved for this photo on a Friday afternoon, truly showed me how much he loves me and was willing to help get this thing turned in!
We rushed out the door at 5pm, ran a few errands to get things notarized, copied and then sent our precious stack of papers away. Praying next week we might hear they have all been approved and we will finally be given our official wait list number.
I'm giddy about the thought of getting "the call" again, in a few months or years it just makes my heart race. See with Luke, I missed the call. Then when I did arrive home to open up his picture I didn't have the romantic reaction adoptive parents always glow of having. I was crushed, I didn't feel overwhelming instant love for him.
It was more like.... Who was this kid? Why was he wearing pink? Why is he so tiny? He doesn't look like what I thought he would look like? Ummmm, cause somehow I had imagined in my mind what my Ethiopian child would look like?!
Now looking back on it, maybe I knew this picture also represented a little baby boy who was taken from his parents arms and placed in an orphanage. He was alone, had know idea what lay ahead of him and the journey it would take. Maybe I just couldn't be joyful knowing for months another parent had faced the greatest loss imaginable. How cruel the world seemed that this heartache had been placed on her for no fault of her own.
He is our precious son who God put in our family. He has a past, and a first family that loved him more dearly then I may ever truly understand. At times I want to hop on a plane and sit together with his birth parent once again. Cry and share together. I had no idea how I would miss them as much as I miss his birth country. See the love he has from our family and his first family is something I could have never imagined in my little dreams about what our referral day might be like. That little picture didn't reveal to me all we would learn, feel and experience along this road. Adoption is such a jumbled mess of emotions, losses, joys and beauty. All of which I wouldn't trade for the world.
It's ok to not feel instant love for a emailed photo. It's ok, because now 3 years later I love him more fiercely then I ever thought possible.
We rushed out the door at 5pm, ran a few errands to get things notarized, copied and then sent our precious stack of papers away. Praying next week we might hear they have all been approved and we will finally be given our official wait list number.
I'm giddy about the thought of getting "the call" again, in a few months or years it just makes my heart race. See with Luke, I missed the call. Then when I did arrive home to open up his picture I didn't have the romantic reaction adoptive parents always glow of having. I was crushed, I didn't feel overwhelming instant love for him.
It was more like.... Who was this kid? Why was he wearing pink? Why is he so tiny? He doesn't look like what I thought he would look like? Ummmm, cause somehow I had imagined in my mind what my Ethiopian child would look like?!
Now looking back on it, maybe I knew this picture also represented a little baby boy who was taken from his parents arms and placed in an orphanage. He was alone, had know idea what lay ahead of him and the journey it would take. Maybe I just couldn't be joyful knowing for months another parent had faced the greatest loss imaginable. How cruel the world seemed that this heartache had been placed on her for no fault of her own.
He is our precious son who God put in our family. He has a past, and a first family that loved him more dearly then I may ever truly understand. At times I want to hop on a plane and sit together with his birth parent once again. Cry and share together. I had no idea how I would miss them as much as I miss his birth country. See the love he has from our family and his first family is something I could have never imagined in my little dreams about what our referral day might be like. That little picture didn't reveal to me all we would learn, feel and experience along this road. Adoption is such a jumbled mess of emotions, losses, joys and beauty. All of which I wouldn't trade for the world.
It's ok to not feel instant love for a emailed photo. It's ok, because now 3 years later I love him more fiercely then I ever thought possible.
Someone is very excited about being a big brother!
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